Here’s the first paragraph of a cover letter I got today.
I am <Full Name> and I am looking for gainful employment with a company that is seeking professionalism, transitional skills, and someone to become an asset to their company.
My first impression is that this is a little too informal – I don’t see many cover letters that start with “Hi”. After this, the introduction of “I am <Name>…” is a waste of space.
The rest is very bland. It essentially says that the job seeker is looking for a job and that the company they want to work for will hire people that professional, skilled and a benefit to the company – as opposed to all the companies out there that try to hire unprofessional, unskilled people that are a detriment to their company.
Another problem with this is that the job seeker doesn’t say they meet these very low requirements.
Now, this job seeker is actually a senior manager in the IT field, and they have some good skills and experience.
Here’s a reworded version that I would prefer:
To whom it may concern:
I am an extremely experienced IT manager with a successful track record of selling large IT systems to commercial and government customers. I am seeking a sales management or account management role, where I can utilize my experience at opening new accounts and winning government contracts.
The reason I like this working is twofold. First, it is specific. It states clearly what the job seeker is seeking. Instead of “gainful employment,” the role and industry are clearly mentioned. Second, the statement goes on to show what the job seeker will do for the company – open new accounts and win government contracts.
Remember, the cover letter is just a teaser to get the reader interested. It should focus on how the job seeker is going to provide a benefit to the company – and not just say “and be an asset to the company.”