Tag: cover letter

What if companies wrote ads the way most job seekers write cover letters? Here’s my version of a direct mail letter that you might receive from a car company:

Dear Car Buyer:

We are seeking an individual to buy a car we are selling. Our ideal customer will have good credit and be willing to pay top dollar. We strongly prefer customers that will provide repeat business to us. We are in need of boosting our revenues and are looking for an opportunity to grow our profits. I am certain you will find the car we are selling is ideal for fit for your needs.

This car is a true standout in market. It drives and provides an excellent means of transportation. In addition, it offers the ability to carry goods in various storage locations as wall as convey multiple individuals.

We are absolutely certain that, if you just give us a chance to prove our car in a test drive, you will agree this is the best car on the market for you. With it’s excellent track record, it is certain to make a substantial impact on your goals.

I look forward to setting up a test drive for you today!

Sincerely,

Mega Car Dealer

If you received this, would you rush out to buy this car?  What make and model of car does the letter describe?

I receive cover letters like this all the time. They have no personalization. The benefits the job seeker might provide one of my clients are so general that they are meaningless. The letter focuses on the needs of the job seeker. Finally, too many cover letters make over exaggerated claims of being perfect for the company, but give no reason why they’re any good.

Here’s the first paragraph of a cover letter I got today.

Hi,

I am <Full Name> and I am looking for gainful employment with a company that is seeking professionalism, transitional skills, and someone to become an asset to their company.

My first impression is that this is a little too informal – I don’t see many cover letters that start with “Hi”. After this, the introduction of “I am <Name>…” is a waste of space.

The rest is very bland. It essentially says that the job seeker is looking for a job and that the company they want to work for will hire people that professional, skilled and a benefit to the company – as opposed to all the companies out there that try to hire unprofessional, unskilled people that are a detriment to their company.

Another problem with this is that the job seeker doesn’t say they meet these very low requirements.

Now, this job seeker is actually a senior manager in the IT field, and they have some good skills and experience.

Here’s a reworded version that I would prefer:

To whom it may concern:

I am an extremely experienced IT manager with a successful track record of selling large IT systems to commercial and government customers. I am seeking a sales management or account management role, where I can utilize my experience at opening new accounts and winning government contracts.

The reason I like this working is twofold. First, it is specific. It states clearly what the job seeker is seeking. Instead of “gainful employment,” the role and industry are clearly mentioned. Second, the statement goes on to show what the job seeker will do for the company – open new accounts and win government contracts.

Remember, the cover letter is just a teaser to get the reader interested. It should focus on how the job seeker is going to provide a benefit to the company – and not just say “and be an asset to the company.”